In our last issue we brought you Justin and Debbie Marshall’s love story: How they met and what has sustained their marriage. In this issue we bring you Stephen and Sara Mubiru’s love story. The couple has been married for 22 years and is blessed with seven children: Betty, Esther, Simon, Timothy, Edith, Rachael, and Sarah. Stephen is the coordinator in the Department of Economics, while Sara is the headmistress of Bishop Primary School West. 

So how did you meet?

Richard: Both of us studied at Bishop Senior School, Mukono. I was one year ahead of her. She used to move with my cousin with whom she was classmates, everywhere. I would quietly admire her but I could not say anything to her because I came from a peasant background and did not even wear shoes then. I took one look at myself and knew that I did not stand a chance. So, I kept my feelings to myself. I went on to study at Jinja Senior School for my high school and later joined Makerere. The next time I saw her again was in 1985. She was teaching at Bishop’s Primary School West. I was then a banker with the now defunct, Uganda Commercial Bank, Mukono branch. When I saw her, the old memories and feelings for her became alive again. So I approached her. I told her of my secret admiration while in school and she was so surprised. She hardly remembered me at all. She did not immediately accept me. Then I think she quietly did her investigation and found that I was genuine and well-placed. We then started dating and in 1989 we had our introduction and wedding. In 2014 we make 25 years in marriage.

Sara: It so happened that I shared a house with Richard’s cousin when I was teaching at Bishop’s Primary School West. Richard would frequent the place on visits but little did I know he had set his eyes on me. His cousin one time sat me down and told me Richard was interested and sought audience with me. Richard came all the way to school. So I decided to listen. We sat under a big tree in the school compound. He introduced himself and confessed his feelings for me. He said he hadn’t been able to tell me how he felt in the past but believed that God had given him another chance. I did not give him an answer and played hard-to-get from then on. He doubled his efforts by sending his relatives on his behalf to try to talk to me, on top of visits on each occasion, buying sweets for my siblings who were under my care, to gain favour with them. And indeed they really got to like him. My co-teacher even expressed concern at my playing hard-to-get. I told her that since my parents had grown old, I was in charge of my siblings and feared what would happen to them if I was taken away. Richard later told me not to be afraid he would support me and my family and help raise my siblings. We started dating from that time on.

What attracted you to your spouse? Richard: She was beautiful, academically sharp and came from a good family. I always saw her parents as role models because they were married for a very long time. The Senkubuges were highly respected in church and the academia. Sara was also well-behaved and God-fearing.

Sara: I always wished to get somebody with a higher education than mine plus we are the same height. Also, as we interacted, he proved to be a very jolly and amiable person, unlike me who was really quiet. Richard just wouldn’t stop talking. He’d ask one question after another. Above all he showed me love from that time till now. He always introduced me to his friends. He told me the truth about himself and never held back anything.

What have you come to respect most about your spouse? Richard: Sara does not take in rumours. If she heard something about me she wouldn’t believe it. She would talk to me about it to get my side of the story and trust me. Sarah has never strayed from home and me. She goes to work and comes back straight home. I trust her completely. She participates in all the developments at home, always contributing to the family’s welfare. We work as a team. She has not only been a good mother to our children, but also opened our home to the extended family.

Sara: Richard always has time for family. I watched him counsel out children and live an exemplary life as they grew and that for me is priceless. He took care of my late father till he died. And a much more amazing thing is that daddy always wanted me to get a university degree but unfortunately he passed on before I could. Richard then took it upon himself to make sure I got one. He supported me throughout school pointing out each time that it would give my father peace wherever he was. Today I hold a master’s degree. My prayer is that my girls marry men like him and the boys take after him. In problems we are together, in happiness we are together.

  A word of wisdom

Richard: Singles, do not go through go-betweens. Walk to the person of your choice and tell them how you feel. And do not propose marriage before getting to know a girl better. Dating requires time. And beware of the kind of family your potential spouse comes from. Broken homes means it rubbed-on on the children as well, as parents serve as examples. Such a person must be God-fearing because that is the only way that gap can be bridged. Otherwise, it gets complicated. Our marriage was not materialistic. We started with no house, no car but we achieved these things together: Borrow a leaf. And do not rely on rumours or involve third parties in your relationship. Marriage is strictly a two-people-affair. Also never be too proud to say you are sorry. Even if it means getting down on your knees, do it. And be sure to reform afterwards. Openness is very important in any marriage. For example, my wife knows exactly how much I earn. At the end of the month we table what we have earned and plan together. This eliminates all suspicion and builds trust. Most importantly, your spouse should be number one in your life.

Sara: Ladies most times swear never to marry a man who has had children before. But when a man is honest enough to tell you, do not brush him away. By the time he can confess all that, know that he is an honest man and will make a good husband. You can live even much more happily than a couple that starts fresh. And make your parents your friends. They will tell you the truth and soberly advise you about things you need to know. Marrieds, do not talk ill of your spouse to others. That dishonours your spouse and home. Besides those you tell will in turn gossip about you. As told to Lydia Lakwonyero