He remains my father

By Scarlet Chemarum, :: 15-02-2012

scarlet chemarum

I was one of those who preferred to fight my own battles; it nearly killed me.
 Growing up with my adoptive family was one of those tough things in life. I never quite understood why my parents did not want to be with me. My aunt and uncle were really nice to me but the things they said and did sometimes made me wish I was dead.

 I never got the chance to live with my birth parents and it gnawed at my heart every time, something hurtful was said to me. I tried to make excuses for them but it got worse every time since I would get hurt all over again. I constantly fought with my siblings because of the anger I had held up inside. In the end, I became one of those troubled people with a problem with everyone.
At home I was the eldest child and with it came expectations that I felt were too much. Along the way, I lost it and just wanted to die; for nothing I did was ever enough. I perfected my grades in the hope that I would gain their favour but all I got were more painful words. I tried to take my life once but just managed to sleep for hours.
All this was anger that I kept on building and it only made me grow restless and dissatisfied with a life that God had blessed me with. Now, going to church before was just a tradition and it provided me with time for myself .
One youth Sunday I was touched by what the youth were ministering and decided to join the youth choir. While with them, I learned to stop fighting it all and just let the Lord take control. It was hard not to blame people and myself.
 I have since ceased to blame and instead pray about things that trouble my mind. I am now in contact with my birth parents and I love my guardians. It took time but the Lord saw me through it.
It is not easy to let someone else take control of things you have held onto for long. But the Lord listens and in his own special way will help you out. 
The scriptures tell us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. Choose today to say, “Let me step back and let the Lord fight this out for me?”

Chemarum is a third year Mass Comm. student 

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Me & My God